You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
