no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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