the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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