she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
