Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
