I can tuck mytits in my pants
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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