the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
