Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
