we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
