you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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