U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
