I wannas sexs uuuuu
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
