So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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