Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
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He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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