Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week š
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heās Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him āBeast Modeā. So. Many. Orgasms.
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