I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
