I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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