Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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