he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I will be naked everywhere
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
