very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
