____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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