they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
