oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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