pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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