The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
