i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
