He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
