Please, let me fuck your mom
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
