He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Shame - the story of my life.
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