my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
