remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
