a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
