i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
