I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
