hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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