My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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