I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
