She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
