he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?