Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now