Umm I'm too high to move.
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?