summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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