I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i love accidental penises.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?