haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.