so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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