sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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