I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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