I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
