First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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