i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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