So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
