he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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