i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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