oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
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