im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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