We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
