Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
