Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
