My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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