some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
