I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
