I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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