All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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