the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
