im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
