there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This is my gift to your gina
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Randomize
