wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
