When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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