i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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