I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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