i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
