nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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